


i know i’m happy too (in blue)

by bitter_melon



Category: Men’s Hockey RPF
Genre: 2018-2019 NHL Season, 2019 Stanley Cup Playoffs, Boyfriends, Engagement, Established Relationship, Gay, M/M, Marriage Proposal, One Shot, Short One Shot, happy boys, proposal, pure fluff, self indulgent, slight homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-01-31 12:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18591166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitter_melon/pseuds/bitter_melon
Summary: auston doesn’t get a goal, neither does mitch, they lost the game and it’s all over. yet auston is still looking to score.





	i know i’m happy too (in blue)

**Author's Note:**

> this years playoffs tore me to shreds, and hockey has a way of destroying my soul, but to compensate i wanted to provide some tooth-rotting fluff so everyone can see some of our favourite boys being happy for once. keep in mind this is purely self indulgent but i hope you enjoy it anyways :’)
> 
> (side note, going into this fic for backround purposes, please keep in mind that mitch and auston are dating prior to the events that occur)

The buzzer rang out across the arena as the fans in black and yellow screamed their approval, while those in blue and white accepted it as the sound of defeat. Thoughts reminiscent of ‘there’s always next year’ echoed solemnly in the minds devastated fans and players. Heads hung in defeat, eyes sad, and hearts heavy as they all collectively asked themselves the same question ‘when will it be this year?’, yet all knowing the answer wasn’t the most uplifting response. 

This year had felt like The Year, but yet again history chose to rear its ugly head and repeat itself once again. All the games, all the wins, all of the sweat and determination were wasted away in yet another game seven. The spotlight was trained onto Boston, with their jeering overjoyed fans, and rowdy players all radiant from their win on home ice. All eyes were on them, but it wouldn’t be for much longer.

For Auston Matthews, the loss and let down was the perfect opportunity. He hadn’t scored a goal, and he certainly didn’t win, but he was still looking to try; although not necessarily on the ice. Well, maybe just a little. Nerves bundled in his stomach and adrenaline pumped through his body as though he was getting ready to play the biggest game of his life. But what he was about to do had much, much greater consequences if he lost. Maybe not so much for the rest of the world, but for him, his world would be destroyed.

You see, Auston was gay. The problem with that was the fact that nobody knew (with a few exceptions of course) but in the minds of the public, he was absolutely and positively straight. If proved otherwise, things may not go too well. For example, in the world of sports, homosexuality wasn’t exactly accepted and it could easily ruin his career. He would still be permitted to play, but derogatory attitudes and blatant homophobic acts could force him to retire earlier; he could barely handle how he treated himself, he didn’t know if he could handle any more than that. He would be attacked not only by other players or coaches, but news outlets ripping him to pieces.

They would turn him into somebody, something, that he most certainly was not. No longer would he be able to live his public life with ease, he would have to endure an inaccurate image and a skewed life that wasn’t his. Coming out wouldn’t allow him to be more Auston, it would force him to be someone he wasn’t, just because some people may perceive him that way. He didn’t know if that was worth the risk. Understandably, maintaining a public image alongside a private one that doesn’t match up is hard in its own way, but pales in comparison to what could ensue.

Of course, Auston knew he couldn’t hide forever, especially with what he planned to do, but the thought was still intimidating. Although in that moment, and all those leading up to it he knew he was making the right decision. He knew this would compensate for all the potential shit that would come his way. Some things were worth more, some things were worth getting hurt for. Some things were worth your life, hell, your whole world.

In Auston’s case, his whole world was worth losing everything for. His world wasn’t what one may anticipate it to be. It isn’t hockey and the game that drives his life forward. It isn’t his family, both blood and not; no matter how important those people were to him. It wasn’t even himself, without whom his life wouldn’t even be lived.

Plain and simple, it was Mitch Marner.

Someone who started out by getting on his nerves with his cheeky ever-present smile, and high energy attitude. Mannerisms that turned endearing, and post-game group hugs that became exclusive to the two of them, quickly becoming not-so platonic. Without even realizing it, Auston was falling for every little thing Mitch did whether he realized it or not, or whether he even wanted to. In turn, Mitch obliviously stole his heart. Not that he was complaining.

Singlehandedly, Mitch was the best and worst thing that ever happened to him. From the sort of awkward start laced with denial and long-awaited hookups, to all the rough patches that made Auston terrified he was going to be hated and alone, alongside all of the shy “i-love-you”’s and promises of a future, and the simple first kiss that changed absolutely everything; for better and for worse.

Mitch didn’t just become a boyfriend or a partner, he became a future and a family.

Not only that, he became fear and insecurity.

Despite everything, the good, the bad, all of it, Auston knew who Mitch was to him. He knew who he had become to him, and he knew who he wanted Mitch to be for him. He knew Mitch was someone he would die for, but importantly, also someone he would live for.

So, Auston knew that if he was going to live life for Mitch, he knew he wanted to do it with him. All the way, no holding back. No more sneaking around, no more stolen kisses, no more pretending to be something they weren’t. He couldn’t do it anymore, he couldn’t put Mitch through that anymore. All Auston wanted was for Mitch to be happy, and he certainly knew that this wasn’t doing it for him. Naturally, Mitch loved Auston and was incredibly happy to call him his, but despite that easy truth, it doubled as a facade. His happiness often faltered and his smile broke whenever Auston pushed himself away or maintained an act of them being nothing. It hurt, and going on the way they were wasn’t easy, and just kept getting harder with no end in sight.

It hurt Mitch, but it hurt Auston too, in both similar and different ways. He couldn’t handle seeing Mitch cry or, even just a slight wobble of his lip; it broke his heart into smithereens. Knowing that he caused that pain, that anxiety, or whatever else was troubling, was unbearable. How could someone be okay with the fact that they were behind the hurt of someone they loved? Someone who meant so much it couldn’t be described?

So, with a fierce determination mixed with mind-numbing anxiety, Auston was going to ensure that even just for a little while he would make Mitch happier than not. He couldn’t risk losing what they had, hell, he couldn’t risk losing Mitch.

The roar of the crowd and pulse of music buzzed in his ears, everything seeming slightly fuzzy and unfocused - not quite real. What Auston was about to do didn’t feel quite real either, more so like a long-awaited dream or perhaps his worst nightmare. Regardless, he forced himself to sidle up to Mitch with his heart thrumming out of his chest. Adrenaline spiked, blood roared in his ears, and sweat gathered whether it could make itself present. He couldn’t contain the emotions that coursed through this body, slowly creeping up and sending him into a numb panic.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Willy catch his glance and silently question him, of which Auston wordlessly responded to with a simple ‘yes’ indicated by a slight nod of his head.

Inhale, pause, exhale, release.

“Marns-“ Auston started shakily, nudging Mitch gently with his gloved hand. Mitch turned around with slight surprise, followed by a sad, half-hearted smile that didn’t reach his eyes; he couldn’t conceal the disappointment that shone on his features.

“Oh, uh, hey” Mitch replied, unable to disguise the sadness laced through his voice, giving Auston a gentle nudge back. All Auston wanted to do at that moment was gather Mitch into his arms, and try and console him, try to make things even just the tiniest bit better. But he had to restrain himself and understand that what he was about to do would mean way more than a mere embrace. With a light tug on Mitch’s jersey, Auston silently brought him along to center ice, ignoring the panic that was ready to consume him. He sensed his boyfriend’s evident confusion and blatantly disregarded it, knowing that if he dwelled on it he wouldn’t be able to explain his antics, and would quickly back out.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he brought his gaze to meet the sad yet confused one of Mitch. Without hesitation, he began to speak knowing he was about to make the biggest decision of his life. Whether it be a mistake or a miracle would reveal itself in due time.

“Look, uh, I know we didn’t win,” Auston began shakily, struggling to maintain eye contact, “And I know you didn’t score, and neither did I, I’m not gonna act like we played the game of our lives out there, but...” he trailed off, ignoring everything going on around him in order to yank off his gloves and cast them aside onto the scuffed ice. Without even realizing what was going on, he felt something cold and small press into his hand as he slipped down onto one knee.

Murmurs echoed throughout the arena, celebration abandoned in favor of watching the new spectacle unfold before them. Confusion rippled among the crowd, and the Boston players, as heads turned in disbelief and loud whispers were exchanged between people, Mitch is one of them. The rest of the Leafs just stared on hesitant to smile, as they watched in tense anticipation. Glances and nudges were passed among the players as they awaited the outcome.

Unsure of what to do, or what was to happen, everyone shuffled around aimlessly, almost afraid to do anything else. Afraid to ruin the moment, or in the cases of some, afraid to encourage what was expected. Fear bubbled up, as a result of something misunderstood, sparking confusion and an unexpected outcome to the end of the night. What was supposed to be a victorious celebration with disregarded and half-hearted condolences turned into something nearly no one had anticipated. Yet nobody could tear their eyes away from the two players in blue and white on display on center ice. 16, and 34.

Looking down at his skates, then back up to Mitch, with a ring digging an indent into his palm, Auston smiled sheepishly and continued, “But I’m still looking to score. I’m still looking to win”

Mitch ogled at him in shock, with red splotches blooming on his cheeks in surprise. His lips were parted and eyebrows raised, eyes glimmering with hope, maybe fear, or a mixture of both. It was clear that he didn’t know what to expect, but he still had an inkling of what to come. Auston wasn’t exactly being all that subtle about it.

“Mitch Marner” Auston said, the name spilling formally past his lips.

Mitch simply stared as his vision blurred, and tears gathered in his eyes, threatening to spill over. He fidgeted and blinked heavily, simply speeding up the inevitable; his rosy cheeks were now tainted with fallen tears that left tracks running down his face.

“Will, you-“ Auston paused to take a sharp breath to prepare him for the rest of what he had to say, “Will you marry me?”  
He knew it seemed too soon, they were too young, it was rushed, they weren’t ready, but at that moment it all didn’t seem to matter, all the worry and fear melted away as he awaited a response. Nerves clawed up his throat, and tightened around his neck, seeming to constrict his airways as his heartbeat pounded in his ears, coming across as all too loud. Pushing aside hesitation, and all the anxiety that was currently consuming him, Auston unfurled his palm to reveal a wedding band.

It was a dull silver metal, inlaid with delicate blue stones that were reminiscent of the colors that represented their lives; the colors they wore with both shame and pride nearly every night. It was simple, yet special, and it screamed ‘Mitch’. Not to say that it was perfect, but in all honesty, it kind of was- to Auston at least.

Wordlessly, Mitch hastily fumbled with his gloves, casting them aside to join Auston’s, both pairs now lying abandoned on the ice. He presented his shaking left hand, fingers trembling, and lip wobbling to match. His tears fell freely now, evidently displaying his happiness across his face. His mouth stretched into a lopsided grin with his teeth sinking into his lower lip in a feeble attempt to stop its evident wobble. His cheeks flamed a brighter red, the color spreading and blooming across the tips of his ears, clearly displaying how truly flustered and not embarrassed but flattered he was.

With equally shaky hands, Auston softly took Mitch’s in one of his own, then proceeded to awkwardly slip the band onto Mitch’s finger.

Softly, in a cracking yet loving voice, Mitch murmured ‘He shoots-‘ he paused, waiting for the ring to snugly settle on his finger. ‘He scores’ he said continuing, finishing with a slight laugh as he knelt and moved forward to press his lips to Auston’s. Upon his doing so Auston’s face flamed just as red, his smile blossomed just as wide, and eyes become just as teary, as waves of relief finally crashed over him. He did it, and he won.

Arms flung around each other as they’d just won the biggest game of their lives with the rest of the guys rushing over to join them, as they became a giant sweaty mess of a group hug. Congratulations were cheered and jeered, as Mitch and Auston contentedly accepted the attention from their teammates with their fingers somehow making themselves entwined. Cool metal and sweaty fingers pressed into Auston’s hand making him feel like he’d just scored the biggest goal of his life, and nobody could take that away from him.

They were so wrapped up in their own relief they couldn’t hear the overjoyed fans in blue and white, celebrating right along with them as though they had just witnessed the greatest game they’d ever seen.

The series may have been lost, but at that moment it was all but a memory because Auston had scored and most certainly won the game.


End file.
